January 2012
1 post
I ain't no dang curator
Dear loyal followers of my extremely important tumblr: I have failed at this. I am nowhere near as good at gathering beautiful tchotchkes and generating slick commentary as you lot, so I might as well cry uncle. *I’m not a normal-Tumblr-haver. It’s not going to happen. *
Instead I made a Tumblr where all I do is post one minute (or less) of music that I composed and recorded that...
July 2011
2 posts
me: "What would I have to do for you to cut my dick off?"
her: "Ask me to cut your dick off, on your deathbed, or something?"
td: If you think your local Andy Griffith is a greedy pig because he retired in his forties and built an addition to his garage with your tax money, try hanging out with a guy who eats $400 crabs, throws himself $5 million parties where he is serenaded by Rod Stewart and Patti Labelle (who sang "Happy Birthday"), and then compares the president to Hitler when word leaks out that he might have to pay taxes at the same rate as a firefighter or a kindergarten teacher.
jz: but he created so many taffeta-hanging jobs
jz: with his parties
td: I
td: I can't take it anymore
td: This is why people shut down to staying informed at all
td: this country is so fucked
jz: should we kill them all yet?
jz: i keep waiting for you to agree with me
td: Sure, I'm down with killing them
jz: ok how do we do it
td: Use their own guns to kill them somehow
jz: so just get them bored enough, basically
td: yep
td: Just build the world's biggest TV screen for a tea party rally, throw on America's Got Aids, then drop 8 million gallons of pudding on them
jz: but they'd just all eat the pudding
jz: scraping it off the wheels of each others' hoverounds, etc
td: A rabid mob of pudding-starved zombies
td: "PUDDANGZ!!!!!"
jz: PODDUNG
td: BUDDAG
jz: BLBGRH HRRPH RON PAUL
td: hahahaha
jz: BGHRLB PODDUNG THE GAY AWAY
td: GLOMPH MOMPH DEBT CEILING
jz: GRLMPH HMGPPH HORFF NOT DICKS
jz: ALGPHGTH WELFARE MOMF
td: we should somehow share this chat of ours with others
June 2011
3 posts
2 tags
“I was born in the wrong era; I would love to have been a teenager when Blink...”
– some reblog by long live the new flesh (she didn’t say this)
3 tags
2 tags
May 2011
2 posts
WHY CAN'T A BANK KEEP A SECRET? BECAUSE THERE ARE...
Dear Laffy Taffy, Inc.,
I recently acquired some Laffy Taffys, and I wish to report these taffys to you as insufficiently laffy. I cordially request a replacement taffy, one whose laffiness befits its name.
Aside from the above joke about banks keeping secrets, the offending taffy also featured “WHAT DID YES SAY TO NO? MAYBE!“
As you can imagine, I expect more from my taffy...
Max Richter - On The Nature Of Daylight
Worth...
April 2011
4 posts
Watch
954BR/0BATH MULTI-LEVEL FURNISHED IN MUTED TONES, EXCELLENT NIGHT SKY VIEWS, FULL BAR, GYMNASIUM, ARBORETUM, AND BEAUTIFUL OBSERVATION LOUNGE. INLAID WOOD PANELING, RECESSED LIGHTING AND DOORS. LOCATED IN AN EXCITING NEIGHBORHOOD FULL OF NEW LIFE AND NEW CIVILIZATION.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing, has to do with race nowadays, in the eyes of white...”
– What Kind of Card is Race - Hot Topics - Danielle Belton’s The Black Snob (via robot-heart-politics)
March 2011
7 posts
1 tag
I always thought a “dickwolf” was an episode of Law and Order that ended unsatisfyingly!
Privilege
You know. The troll face picture someone drew. He’s so proud of making you angry! You’re angry because you’re small and weak. Your anger makes you weak. It makes you lose. Caring about something that you can’t get—respect—makes you bad. Troll face drawing has all the time in the world. Troll face drawing is from North America or Western Europe or Australia....
“Much of the cooking requires ingredients most people haven’t heard of and...”
– NYT Book Review: Modernist Cuisine
“True, many of the most successful, iconic rappers never lived the lives they...”
– http://thehairpin.com/2011/03/odd-future-hip-hop-misogyny-and-the-internet/
February 2011
4 posts
Wait, when did "daddy issues" become a thing?
new-wavve:
diplomaticshark:
Why is “daddy issues” suddenly the catchall epithet for every kind of mental or emotional irregularity a woman can have? Is this…is this synecdoche? Are the kids using synecdoche now?
Did it just not feel misogynistic enough when every intense or weird woman was “psycho”? Did just “issues” seem to vague for your precise minds? And what an arbitrary choice! It’s...
Wait, when did "daddy issues" become a thing?
Why is “daddy issues” suddenly the catchall epithet for every kind of mental or emotional irregularity a woman can have? Is this…is this synecdoche? Are the kids using synecdoche now?
Did it just not feel misogynistic enough when every intense or weird woman was “psycho”? Did just “issues” seem too vague for your precise minds? And what an arbitrary...
January 2011
7 posts
THUPREMATHY IMMINENT
abandonallhoprah:
Quiet!!! I’m trying to interface with the Nazi butt collective, you fools.
That’s better.
Unicorn butt people! I declare all buttocks for the motherland! After months of silence and fiber-rich meals, Minister Burbles and I decided it was time for me to speak. After hypocritical declarations that the fight was solely against the accursed Butterflies of Lower Backland, and...
Betelgeuse to be second sun for Earth as supernova... →
sneerpiece:
diplomaticshark:
sneerpiece:
dirtylittlecity:
FUCKYEAHTWOSUNS!
hooolyyshiitttt
Hoax. 2012 hitcount-jerking hoax. No way of predicting when a red giant will supernova.
“or any time in the next million years” was my favorite line. BUT STILL I HOPE THIS HAPPENS BEFORE I DIE!
BUSINESS: Leading investment advisors upgrade Betelgeuse from “hold” to “strong...
1 tag
Betelgeuse to be second sun for Earth as supernova... →
sneerpiece:
dirtylittlecity:
FUCKYEAHTWOSUNS!
hooolyyshiitttt
Hoax. 2012 hitcount-jerking hoax. No way of predicting when a red giant will supernova.
Everyone follow Problem Saloon immediately. →
The Cloak Room, a dive where we’re spending NYE, is across the street from the state capitol. You can catch most Texas politicians here at one time or another. Scrawled on the bathroom mirror, in blue:
WHO IS JOHN GALT?
And under it, in red:
I don’t know, but I want his cock
December 2010
9 posts
According to WikiLeaks, Bush was right about Iraq. →
sneerpiece:
huskerdont:
dontcookbilly:
halphillips:
WikiLeaks says that Iraq did have weapons of mass destruction and that everything Bush said was true.
I did not expect that.
(Fairly certain I still oppose the war.)
well…lets see how this gets covered
If the article is correct, probably not at all. Do you think any major media outlet not owned by Rupert Murdoch is going to say,...
“Maybe we could have an all-gay service! They’d be allowed to wear camouflage...”
–
Ann Coulter is the kind of cunt even conservative women would call ‘a cunt’. (via extrafirmhold)
Can we kill her? Why haven’t we killed her yet? Moreover, as Americans, why haven’t we produced a reality show dedicated to killing her? : “Kill Ann Coulter.” The prize is a dead Ann Coulter.
...
if you're not tormented, you're doing it wrong
abandonallhoprah:
The world understandably can’t stop talking about Oprah’s 2010 “Favorite Things” show. The world won’t shut the fuck up about it. The world is genuinely starting to freak me out. World, Jesus, please be reasonable.
People generally fall on one of two sides of this yearly American tradition.
1. Welcome to the consumer cum guzzle with America’s favorite BBW. Don’t forget...
November 2010
12 posts
3 tags
Billy Preston — “Sister...
Someone please tell me why this doesn't make...
sneerpiece:
“People behave differently when tax rates are high as compared to when they are low. With low tax rates, they take their money out of tax shelters and put it to work in the economy, benefitting themselves, the economy and government, which collects more money in taxes because incomes rise.”
EDIT: reasons, maybe
“Past a certain income level, there are so many tax breaks written into...
Dave Niehaus died on Wednesday. You may not...
